Latest Performance

I'm a small-town poet in both written word and performance. I'm more influenced by rock and roll but I am also a lit-chick full of curiosity. My influences are far and wide and I can find writing inspiration in anything, from important matters to pure whimsy.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Existential Crisis Mode

My mind's been in a weird place as of late. Maybe I'm just pushing myself a little too much and have little time to relax my mind. Being driven is a good thing, but I wonder if I'm burning my candle at both ends. Lately my dreams have been weird and my mood has been snappish.

I got my first rejection for "not following directions", and it feels like a slap in the face. And for such a "warm" journal the message I received was rather cold. I'm a bit confused as to what I didn't follow since quantity and spacing were considered as requested, and all fields on the digital form were filled. Only other thing I could think of is some bureaucratic fine print. This led to my first real "drama diva" moment as I felt frustrated the rest of the day and the bitch in me said "they'll regret it when I'm famous". Honestly, I have never shown that before concerning my writing, I have had no acceptances yet, haven't one an open mic and have had nights where reception to my work has been lukewarm and I haven't had a fit. But the thought of my submission being discarded without ever being read makes me feel insulted, even if I have wound up to be at fault. I'll just not send anything to that journal again, simple as that.

Maybe I need a real day off. The self conscious part of me started questioning myself. I realize that I'm in an area where although there are other writers, I'm not taking their approach. I have little to base my performance work off of and learn from what and who I can access. Basically I'm all variable and no control right now. I'm just hoping I'll be over this slump in time for my first summer show in two weeks.

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